CYCLING WEEKLY: 12 funny strava named segments

ORIGIN HERE

they collect together some of the most ridiculously named segments on Strava

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Ride logging and sharing service Strava has quickly found many, many fans since being introduced in 2009. As well as uploading your cycling data from your GPS computer, part of Strava’s fun is seeing how you compare on ‘segments’ of hills, roads or routes.

These segments are created by users, and you are free to call them whatever you like. For most people, this would mean ‘High Street’ or ‘Green Hill Road’… but for others its a licence to get creative with their segment naming.

Some of the names given to segments are hilarious, so we’ve collected together 12 of the most oddly-named segments.

Some are a bit rude, so we apologise in advance if you’re easily offended.

1. Uncle Pervy’s Secret Tickle Fight

It’s a name that conjures up all sorts of images – not all of them nice. You’d have no idea that the segment is actually along Missionary Road in Escondido, California, USA, and is around a mile in length. Current KOM holder: Don Powell.

https://www.strava.com/segments/4861080/embed

2. Balls to Cocks

Before the complaints start flooding in, the name of this segment accurately refers to where it starts and finishes: from Sandy Balls to the Fighting Cocks public house in Godshill, Fordingbridge, Hampshire, UK. Current KOM holder: Alex Farminer.

https://www.strava.com/segments/4398133/embed

3. Katie Price’s Angry Lobster

Why is reality TV star and former glamour model Katie Price’s pincered crustacean unhappy? That’s something that possibly only the creator of this Macclesfield segment may truly know the answer to. Current KOM holder: Andy Tennant (yes, that one).

https://www.strava.com/segments/1438716/embed

4. Fat Man’s Doom

This very sizeist segment consists of a steady uphill over a mile in Cumbria, which someone carrying an extra bit of timber may indeed find a bit of a struggle. Current KOM holder: Paul Stephenson.

https://www.strava.com/segments/3132595/embed

5. Hokey Cokey Pig and the Pokey

League of Gentleman fan must have created this one, using a [mis]quote from the comedy programme’s foul-tempered restart officer Pauline. Surprisingly, it’s nowhere near Royston Vasey, but actually in Glyncorrwg, Wales. Current KOM holder: Jamie Mckinstry.

https://www.strava.com/segments/9766692/embed

6. Ride the Wigton Willy!

Male genitalia seem to be a recurring theme among Strava artists for some strange reason, so it shouldn’t really come as a surprise to see a segment shaped like one. You’d have to know where you are going to put down a good time on this Leeds segment, mind. Current KOM holder: Gavin Taylor.

https://www.strava.com/segments/7328962/embed

7. I’ve counted the nipples – there’s a few missing…

We can only imagine this Barton-upon-Humber segment name is referring to spoke nipples on a bicycle wheel, rather than human anatomy. No one can possible have a ‘few’ missing, let alone a few in the first place. Current KOM holder: Bradley Donkin

https://www.strava.com/segments/8288175/embed

8. Agnew took a dump here and used leaves to wipe his ass

No further comment needed. Current KOM holder: Ross Wildman (Chris Agnew is second, so he should have wiped a bit quicker)

https://www.strava.com/segments/9539915/embed

9. Craig Bellew wears skin suits on nights out

This is one of many very oddly-named segments featuring Craig Bellew. We also have Craig Bellew has a hidden motor, Craig Bellew is at home eating doughnuts, Craig Bellew swerves toward cats, and more – most in the Bideford/Barnstaple area of Devon. Current KOM holder: Philippo Corleone.

https://www.strava.com/segments/11588346/embed

10. Breathing out of every hole to the farm

Very descriptive title for a punishing segment in Powys, Wales, that averages 11 per cent climb for just over a kilometre. Current KOM holder: THE VINORACER (his capitals).

https://www.strava.com/segments/6849647/embed

11. Jesus, Ryan’s on his bike!

Someone – possibly even the man himself – must have been proud that Ryan made it up this four per cent hill in Caterham, Surrey. He had the last laugh, though, because it looks like he may have been quickest… Current KOM holder: Ryan McGibbon.

https://www.strava.com/segments/7095955/embed

12. Any Slower You’re Bike’ll Be on Bricks

We’ve kept the grammar in there as it was written to maintain this Worksop segment’s authenticity. Just to add to the fun, the current KOM holder is none other than Hugh Jassburn.

https://www.strava.com/segments/7701500/embed

 

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4 thoughts on “CYCLING WEEKLY: 12 funny strava named segments”

      1. My most recent is the local ‘Al’s Personal Challenge’, which it is. 2.7 miles long and climbs 243 feet. Somehow or other I’ve managed to maintain a KOM for a wee bit. Maybe folk relax after the 20%+ section?

      2. Great – my favourite is either the one I called ‘the road called death ‘ scary one to be on as windy lots of cars going to quick and blind corners and a running one going up to statue of lord Roberts in kelvingrove which I called ‘up to the murderer of Kandahar’ history lesson there ….

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